What the fuckity fucking fuck

I have not been on this site for years....and i mean years....it's OOC.  I wonder if i am the same person? i would like to think that i have grown...but, maybe not.  i would love to be a well rounded succesful individual and be better about living life...oh Kasper...but im not...and for once...not being in college i can say...i feel better, that i am OK with that.

thats huge.

it really is.

much love.

Lando

Currently Reading Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World By Greg Critser see related

so im a fat fat bitch...im in a size 40 jean.  what the fuck...im done.

Currently Reading Now What?: 90 Days to a New Life Direction By Laura Berman Fortgang see related

I think that i am slowly loosing my mind. 

I need to do something. I dont really know how else to explain my feelings so I will just make a list:

If I dont perform soon, I may explode

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE...I do

Why are there no men around here for me?

What is a boyfriend?

I feel like a whore, I am gross...on the inside

I need Jesus?

I miss talking to my RaySouthCheerBoy who is moving on to the next chapter in his life, its gonna rock :)

Chester is going to war and I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Sammy Bones is off to begin her career...my oxygen is slowly depleating the closer it gets to August. damn damn damn!

Im a college grad...what the fuck does that mean?

Ms. Mckay is going to be FAMOUS, this ho is on TV, congrats!

I want to weigh around the same as one of the feed the children kids, pre feeding

Sean is on his way to stardom

I really really miss my CheerBoi!

I think that emotionally, im loosing it in this small town

I have this dream to model, are there plus size male models?

all the other theatre grads are slowly but surely making their way

Im trapped in marshall, i have no dreams, and i gained weight...hospital scales are unforgiving!

I cry on the inside. or maybe i have to pee, i dont know.

So...i had a boy over.  Its 4 am and not to ruin anyones fun but, ...

(Disclaimer:  graphic details...kind of)

...if your going to a guys house, make sure that your mother doesnt call you at 3:45 am and tell you to come home.  and yes, he was way over the legal age, but, yes, he lived at home...boo to that. I have TWO lovely ho tracks on my neck, I need to change my sheets, and i thought more than once this evening i was going to break a window...so yes, it was fun, but OH MY GOD!  Im a bit of a whore.....which is something new for, i figure its my turn to be a little bit slutty...was this entry a TMI?

....and im okay with that....IF the character of Brian from Queer as Folk was real, he would be proud.

Currently Reading Choices: Taking Control of Your Life and Making It Matter By Melody Beattie see related

I sometimes question my actions.  I think we all do, but sometimes i question myself for even thinking of an action. who it effects and how the outcome will be...i think i have to remove myself from a situation.  i really should not be haveing little panic attacks every 2 min, or trying to find ways not to hurt other peoples feelings..this time i have to do this one for me...sorry.  if this makes me a bad actor or student, well then... so be it.